She minds
by Cyanidas
Summary: The third time she saves her life, she thinks it almost ridiculous. Before she stepped into her life she didn't live any less dangerously but certainly didn't need that much saving. She used to be smaller than her; now she actually has to look up to her. There's something about it she finds quite nice. F/F


**And here is the other side of the coin. It's much shorter for two reasons. First, I can't write dignified, grown-up royal people. And second (much more important), it only needs to be this short. It's all the insight I think is neccessary. Also, I think she is a person with a darker, needier and more primal side which she hides to compensate for the strictly defined royal persona she has to portray. Since I try to keep this low rating as well this is as detailed as it's going to get but I do plan on making a M version for both parts. Anyway - hope you enjoy.**

Part 2: She minds

Her life is not a simple one. It is hard work for the most part and leaves no room for personal enjoyments. Or even a break. She hardly ever goes to sleep at night and when she does, it's uneasy because she can't stop thinking about all the things she still has to do. It is tiring, it is exhausting and sometimes she finds it hard to remember that she loves it. Today, however, is one of the days where it's incredibly easy to feel good about herself and what she does. It's the one reward she gets every year.

When it comes down to it, she's not fond of violence. Every grand affair has some sort of arena fight or duel tied to it and if she could change it, she probably would. But the people love it and when the people love it, so does she. So she sits through seemingly countless battles none of which manage to catch her eye through exceptional feats of strength, cunning or magical display. It is mercenaries mostly with the odd Seraph in between and a handful of villagers who came to try their luck. None of it interests her but she sits still and elegant and watches because she knows it will show if she doesn't. And her patience pays off when the last match of the celebrations is announced. Other people planned the arena events and thus the lineup is a secret to her. It is Eternity's Guard with her dear Logan to fill in for the missing asura but what astounds her the most is their enemy team. Though team is a rather big word for a single person.

The first time she meets the Commander she isn't particularily impressed. She is young, small and average in a way that makes her honestly doubt whether she is up for the task she plans to give her. But Logan and Anise tell her there is more to her than meets the eye and she trusts both of them with her life. She fully expects her to fail. She is surprised when she doesn't. By the time she sends her away to join one of the Orders, she has saved her life and she thinks that perhaps, eventually, she could come around to trusting her as well.

She saves her life for a second time. She doesn't think herself to be the stereotypical damsel in distress but she has to admit that locking herself away in a shield is a draining affair. By the time she finally hears the sound of battle, an indication that perhaps she is about to be rescued from slightly certain death, she is about to falter. Her sight blurs for a second and she collapses but doesn't meet the ground as she thought she would. She lands in warm arms which keep her steady for a few moments which she needs to collect herself. When she looks up it's right into pale grey eyes which are slightly obscured by shaggy ash blonde hair that desperately needs to be cut. She thanks her and is being led away by the Shining Blade soon after. She was there when she needed her. Few people are.

The third time she saves her life, she thinks it almost ridiculous. Before she stepped into her life she didn't live any less dangerously but certainly didn't need that much saving. She looks different now as she appears in front of the world summit. Her hair is longer and even if still messy, now has a more mature look to it. She doesn't give it much thought and it's quite obvious, but it suits her. She has more important things to worry about than the way her hair looks. She wishes she could affored the same luxury. Over time she has seen her fight a few times. The first time she was untrained and her attacks were rushed, lacked direction and thought. The second time her grasp of magical control had increased and she paid more attention to where she threw her fireballs. This time she is almost formidable. She finds that she enjoys the sight. She used to be smaller than her; now she actually has to look up to her. There's something about it she finds quite nice.

She can hardly breathe. She has seen many impressive things but the young woman beneath her facing an entire team of seasoned fighters is more than she thinks she can take. The entire arena is brimming with excitement and the sheer amount of magical power the woman is channeling makes her skin crawl and she doesn't know whether to be wary or... excited. She can't tear her eyes off her as she harnesses the very essence their world is built upon and uses it to power herself to a point where she thinks she might crack under pressure. She has never seen anything like it. It's beautiful, astounding, frightening but above all remarkable. A word she, seven years ago, wouldn't have used to describe the Commander. Lady Kasmeer is taken out of combat within the first few moments after the overload, flung to the side and kept captive by harsh unforgiving winds. Her wife tries to save her but finds herself frozen solid, hands reaching out towards the blonde and eyes wide. The charr risks burning herself alive as she tries to escape the ring of fire that holds her in place and Logan has his worst weakness used against him. A flaw he still hasn't learned to work around and it costs him his victory. She gets hit once and she is almost disappointed but then the fight is over and she stands tall, proud and unmoving and so very impressive. She doesn't know why and doesn't understand it but she finally makes an impression that makes it very hard for her to forget about the younger woman. It is just a fleeting fancy but she asks her to see her once the celebrations pass and even though she retires rather early, she can't stop thinking about her.

She has never understood obsession. She sees it in Anise every single second of the day and sometimes in Logan when he forgets the world around him every time he looks at her. Her life doesn't allow an obsession. It has no place for them. Yet as she sits on her favourite couch, clad in a simple dress she thinks she may have gotten a taste of what it's like. She can't forget about the way her hair dances around her head as she channels her magic and she can't forget about the wild and terrible storm behind her eyes. She's not even that attractive and she doesn't think her looks are what keep her so entranced. She is something different, something special and despite herself she yearns to learn what such raw and destructive power feels like. She has something she needs to ask of her. After today she knows she can make their very fortress crumble and have them plead for their lives. She is a tool at her disposal; a tool she can use. She has been taught to and she knows Anise will be furious if she let this opportunity pass. But if she really thinks about it... she'd rather she didn't have to send her away. Somehow making her stay sounds like the better option.

She can't resist. She knows she ought to but she can't. For once in her life she does what she wants instead of what she should. The taste it leaves on her tongue is bittersweet.

Cal. It's short and not very sweet but she practises it once, quietly, and it sounds right. She calls it once too. She receives no answer and it leaves her weary. She kissed her with every intention of forcing her to come back, give her a reason to return if only to ask for more. She can't explain it but she needs her close to her in a way that is entirely alien and even a little frightening. She sent her away and Lyssa be her witness, she _minds_.

 **Short and sweet, innit? *rolls eyes* Hope you liked it and if you have something to say, don't be shy and tell me :)**


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